Today I am 40 years old.
I have grown SO MUCH in the last 5 years. I used to be afraid of so many things.
I’m in the best relationship I’ve ever been in, with someone who really encourages and supports me. I never knew what was missing before. I have a partner.
Two kids became four, creating a big family. I’m thankful all four of these children are in my life and I’m so excited to watch them grow up. I always wished for a big family when I was a kid. My brother is 8 years older than me, so I didn’t have a lot of the experience that my kids are having. I think big families are good.
I taught myself public speaking, which would have been terrifying just a few years ago. I can get in front of a crowd (or a camera) without feeling nervous anymore. My next thing to work on is learning how to be better at communication when I don’t have total control of the situation. I’m not always great at that. 😉
I learned how to budget money so I can take trips and have adventures, so I’ve visited mountains and been to the Great Lakes. Of course I’ve found adventures to have here at home too. I think there are interesting things to see and do everywhere in the world and we often miss what’s in our hometown because it’s so familiar.
I started doing union work, which is leading to all sorts of opportunities. I’m learning how to help workers advocate for themselves (I still can’t believe I’m going to go to Washington DC).
I started a meditation group of my own. I found the confidence to do it in spite of my fears and without thinking about people who think I’m not good enough. (if you’re wondering if you’re good enough to do something, you are. Do it) And yes, it’s not sustainable yet. My wish is for it to pay for itself. But I’m comfortable with the possibility that I’ll have to shut it down, things will come and go. That’s how life is.
I have faced some of my baggage and learned how to put it down. I’ve learned how to be more mindful and not so anxious all the time. I think a lot of people I know would have a hard time believing I used to be a very negative person. I’m not that now. I am joyful.
More than anything, I am so lucky that Alicia Marley fell in love with me.
I’m looking forward to my 40s. I’ve spent a lot of my life afraid of getting older. But now I am fearless.
Want to come meditate with me? I’m at Ubuntu Village Monday nights at 7pm. Meditation Practice, Support, and Encouragement. 4327 Troost, Kansas City, MO.
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